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#BasedGodFridays: James Worthy Edition

Posted on May 22, 2015 by

Before we get into today’s regularly scheduled “Brett finds a way to tie Lil B in with North Carolina as an excuse to write about The Based God” column, let’s talk current events.

The last time we discussed Friend of the Depot and rap mogul Lil B, he was throwing heavy shade at his arch-nemesis Kevin Durant, who wrongly picked the Arkansas Razorbacks to beat the North Carolina Tar Heels in the NCAA Tournament. Durant’s pick guaranteed the Tar Heels a spot in the Sweet 16, because Kevin Durant has been cursed by Lil B The Based God.



Since the birth of “The Based God’s Curse” on Durant, which states that Durant shall never win an NBA title, here is how Durant’s Oklahoma City Thunder have finished each season:

  • 2011: Lost in Western Conference Finals to Dallas Mavericks, 4-1
  • 2012: Lost in NBA Finals to Miami Heat, 4-1
  • 2013: Lost in Western Conference Semifinals to Memphis Grizzlies, 4-1
  • 2014: Lost in Western Conference Finals to San Antonio Spurs, 4-2
  •  2015: Missed NBA Playoffs (after playing majority of season without Kevin Durant)

 Yes, Durant won the Most Valuable Player award in 2014, but that wasn’t the point of Lil B’s curse. Instead, The Based God’s Curse was meant to banish Durant from ever winning an NBA Title, and has only grown stronger with time. For years, no other athlete was foolish enough to challenge the Based God, let alone disrespect him in the fashion that Kevin Durant did.

Enter James Harden.

Harden, star shooting guard for the Houston Rockets, has become one of the NBA’s most popular superstars in recent years. Recently, he began using his “signature” celebration in games, pantomiming cooking after heating up offensively. Here’s the problem: Lil B has been “cooking” since 2010, and is the innovator of a genre he calls “cooking music.” Here’s Lil B’s 2010 hit, “I Cook” (NSFW):

If that’s not enough evidence that James Harden is stealing Lil B’s swag, Lil B even posted a video giving instructions on how to do the very rare Cooking Dance in 2010 (NSFW):

There are many ways one can disrespect The Based God, but the most heinous is to steal Lil B’s swag. James Harden did that, and is now subject to the wrath of an angry Based God. Harden should already know the living hell he has brought upon himself after Game 2 of the Western Conference Finals, when he did this with the game on the line (SFW, but the horribleness of this ending is not safe for small children):

James Harden better apologize and give credit to Lil B quickly, or this series, and possibly his career, will end quickly. Luckily for Harden, The Based God will give him one more chance to repent:

Don’t mess this up, James.


 

So, while that James is most definitely unworthy, the subject of today’s #BasedGodFriday is the exact opposite: James Worthy.



“Big Game” James is one of my all-time favorite former Tar Heels, because in big games, “Big Game” James would normally deliver a big game of his own, hence the nickname “Big Game” James.

Lil B is apparently a James Worthy fan, as he makes references to Worthy in multiple songs in his illustrious library (IMPORTANT NOTE: EVERY SONG IS NSFW).

We touched on one Worthy reference in our last edition of #BasedGodFridays, when Lil B namedropped both James Worthy and Ty Lawson in “NBA Stole My Swag.” Here’s the exact Worthy reference:

“The NBA stole my swag with them jerseys. Tiny shirt, Christmas (what? what?), James Worthy”

Nobody really knows what Lil B meant right there, but it’s clear that he was showing respect to an all-time great.

Another James Worthy reference comes in Lil B’s “Rich Ho” (sorry, mom and dad):

“Like Waka Flocka, we on the way. All my b****es act gay. Thirty on my d***cause I’m James Worthy.”

This is my least favorite Worthy reference for a few reasons: It’s slightly homophobic, it doesn’t really rhyme at the end, and it appears that Lil B can make a Norman Bates-esque transformation into Tar Heel legends.

Lil B doesn’t stop there, though. In “Fake Family,” he continues his Worthy-namedropping streak:

“20 facing 30, riding ’round dirty. Got a shotgun and double pump like Worthy.”

That line made sense! Here, The Based God is taking about his shotgun, comparing it to James Worthy’s ability to beat defenders on the pump fake.

Lil B keeps it up on “D. O. R. (Death of Rap)“:

“Catch me slippin’ with tiny pants, you think I’m nerdy? .45 got nice aim, I throw curvy. My game, I run court, James Worthy.”

FIRE EMOJIS.

Lil B killed that verse, mentioning his fashion trend of wearing tiny clothes, curving bullets like in the movie Wanted, and the dominance of James Worthy on the basketball court. You can hear The Based God just feeling himself as he spits this fire.

In the excellently named “Robbin’ and Shoppin’,” Lil B serves up more of that “Big Game” James heat:

“Young Based God hit that shop with that .30. Call me Mr. Clean ’cause I’m up too early. I’m a(n) aggravated felon and you know I gets dirty. Be up in the party looking like James Worthy.”

In that verse, Lil B explains that he isn’t to be messed with, but you can still find him in the party stunting like James Worthy.

Finally, we have the most controversial James Worthy-related Lil B lyric, from “Living My Life“:

“Imma buy me some ***** in New Jersey, Imma buy me some ***** like James Worthy.”

WHOA! Lil B, where did that come from? Was it just the rhyme scheme? Is there another layer to the North Carolina scandal that we didn’t know about? Why did we never hear about this possible transaction? Why won’t The Based God share his knowledge with us all?

Regardless of the accuracy, logistics or even rhyming of these lines, it’s always nice to see North Carolina mentioned in pop culture references, especially by an icon such as Lil B The Based God.

All songs are taken from Lil B The Based God’s YouTube page.

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