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Spring Football is Boring

Posted on Apr 14, 2015 by

North Carolina won’t be holding an official spring game this season due to ongoing renovations at Kenan Stadium. Try to fight back those tears, guys.

Listen, let’s stop pretending for a second: Spring football is the most boring thing sports fans give their attention to. It doesn’t count. Nobody really cares. It’s far too early to determine what the team will look like next year. I can never tell if it’s good offense or bad defense or vice versa. It’s way too damn hot out. It needs to go away.

Nobody goes to a college town *just* for the spring game, unless you live in Alabama, because ROLL DAMN TIDE. Spring football games are merely an excuse for students, parents, and alumni to meet in the same place and get hammered drunk. And that’s awesome! Everybody wins in that scenario. But we’ve gotta stop pretending that we actually care about the spring game.

This weekend, I drove down to Charlotte to cover the North Carolina open scrimmage at Rocky River High School. It sucked. While most real writers are probably writing accurate columns about the 4-3 defense and how well-polished certain players looked, all I can think about was how damn boring it was. Imagine the normal spring game, except with no drunk people, a few food trucks, and the stupid sun giving out stupid sunburns.

And they didn’t even play a real game! Instead, fans were treated to situational drills and 7-on-7s. It was miserable. I love football, a lot, but all the scrimmage did was make me realize how thankful I am that I’m not a football player. Seriously, that looked like hell. Props to them.

I understand there is an audience for the spring game. I respect that opinion. But you couldn’t pay me to watch situationa– wait, actually, you definitely could pay me, and potential future employers you definitely SHOULD pay me. Go football!

I’m not saying we should abolish spring football. I somewhat understand why it exists (not really, but I’ve got to pretend I’m writing an educated post). I’m just saying we should stop pretending to care about it, and we should especially stop dedicating valuable television coverage to it, because the only thing worse than watching your own team’s spring game is watching OTHER teams’ spring games.

So let’s keep the spring game, keep getting generational hammered, and ban ever mentioning the spring game outside of “Hey, remember that time we tried to go to the spring game and never got out of the parking lot?”

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